Hello frineds.
Now this knows all from where to start and end.Well going down the memory lane, I will start with the sharing of the same month of our B'day. Mine is when there is 12hrs day and 12 hrs night.. equinox.. Well!! Well! I know u all did not memorized your junior sections so well. Its 21st March.. Year !?! Hey how can I say that!! Well my Daddy's B'day falls two days after mine i.e. 23rd March.
In the year 2003, I made a b'day card for him consisting of many pages. First one had Lord Ganesha's portrayed and later pages of best wishes for his life. Last one was where I had drawn a cigarette on which I made a sign of cross over it. I left a note also saying "Papa, Plz leave smoking!! I was just 18 then. Alright!! Alright!! U caught my age here.. Albeit I'm neither shy nor afraid of aging.
My Papa possessed a multistarer magnificence. He was a businessman owning a hotel, heavy vehicles running in transport, marriage sheds and stuffs, a corporator of B.J.P., Head of our caste and above all he had touched many hearts with good deeds.
Continuing from his B'day, even after pushing him hard to leave smoking he never did, until he started having persistent cough, later chills. It was early April '03, when his condition worsened. Getting enough of warning signs he then went to the famous cardiologist of our town named Dr. X. Our town did not had a Pulmonogist then, not even now!! He got Chest X - Ray done and informed my Papa that its Tuberculosis alongwith Pneuomonia. OMG!! My mother was just shocked hearing it. The Dr. gave him medications and asked him to consult after 20 days..
Still with the persistent cough, pyrexia, weight loss.. I took those X - Ray to my Anatomy Professor. I was just in first year of my Physiotherapy, learning the basics. I was devastated when he told me that your father has cancer and that too at a very advanced state. I was taken aback, cried a lot. With broken hearted I returned back home and revealed things to family. My father again went to the same Dr. who asked him to get Biopsy done. Bullshit that Dr. X. Why did he took my Papa's case if it was not his cup of tea. Why do all Dr.s don't follow their ethics?? He should have referred then and then to some other specialist..
He went to Civil Hospital Ahmedabad to get the biopsy done. Got the confirmation. It was IV stage of Lung Cancer affecting the Right Apical Region. He got the appointment of the specialist and then started his chemotherapy, which he needed to get dozed every 15 days interval. My Papa and mumma used to stay back there in hospital during the days of chemotherapy. After 3 months he started losing his hairs and also lost much of weight too.. He was just of 45 kg then.
After 3 months of chemotherapy course Doctors planned to operate him in order to excise the tumor part of lungs and even the affected ribs. But unfortunately it failed. The things were so adhered that the doctors were unable to open his lungs through the ribs either. When I tried to ask the relevant Dr. about the details and the status, he did not had the courtesy to look at me while answering. He was looking at the floor as if I was lying down!! Weird Hippocrates!!
Later chemotherapy continued until the end of the year. During Christmas time he started having headaches, vomiting and gastric upset. They immediately left to Ahmedabad in our vehicle. The doctor gave medications and asked him to come after two days. While returning home they visited my college in order to pick me up. That was the first time my papa visited to my college but unfortunately I had already left for home.. I was so worried for him so could not resist to see him.
Later my father with my mumma and his colleagues went to a renowned cancer specialist of Vadodara. Dr. Vibha Naik, got all the Scan and MRI done. Reports were not good as it had spread to the brain and turned metastases. She told to take my father home as he was left with bunch of days at his helm. But my mumma did not accepted and asked her to try level best to make him survive.. That is what soulmates do .. as talking about the present state she is just the body taking care of us but without soul!!
I discussed my father's report with my senior and roommate Shivandi and she asked me to go to my father.. Spend the rest of my father's time with him!! Listening this I never turned back to college thereafter and was besides my Papa through out the process of his vain. He was bedridden in the hospital for 21 days where he was tubed for feeding and catheterized for loss of urine control. I used to prepare boiled pulses water for him everyday and filled in the thermos and head to Vadodara. Get tropicana's juices and commuted for days, as only one person was allowed to stay back. Well many of the times I used to stay back as the room was big enough to accommodate three of them.
He survived on mannitol which is used to lower the intracranial pressure and RL and Dextrose to replace the requirement of body fluids.
During those days I did all the nursing for my Papa with Mumma of course. I used to raise him from bed, take him to the commode as well cleaned his lower part too.. in order to keep him away from all the infections proned to catch. In between Day of Utrayan came when all our family members where together. He was happy then seeing all of us. Apart from this good part we were hearing the crap music running hard on terrace of people there.. "Kala kou kat khayega!! Sach bol!!" That was not all. I had taken him to the radiation department too with i.v. lines on the wheelchair. Yet the radiation did not made much difference so finally the doctor asked us to take him home. In order we told my Papa that as three hoidays are coming at a stretch counting sunday and 26th January on tuesday we will return home and have the drips there.
I could not forget the glow on my father's face coming back home. I should certainly accept the he was a very strong man!! He did not dropped a tear also from his eyes as if he did not feared death at all!!
Later my family took him to that same bullshit Dr. X. hospital to get the drips. I remember one night I stayed back with my parents. When my Papa thought that I had gone asleep, he told my mumma that he has a foresight that he will survive for only 10 days more. And that he is not worried for me as he thought that I'm good enough to take care of myself, but yes he was worried for my elder sister and my younger brother. Thereby asked her to take a good care of them. But folks truely speaking after that I'm the only one that my family has to take a good care about. He did not figured out that I was strong, confident and so focused to life because of him only.. But speaking about present I'm just so perturbed, miserable and devastated. It was a catastrophe for me!!
Pals I told u earlier that this is so sure about the starting and ending lines but I pardon to describe the last 10 days. I really don't have enough strength to describe much about my frailing father who had not much time in his hand. Those were the most vulnerable days of my life, which left me damaged beyond repair. I did not wanted to let him go!!
Well sharing my misery was with a purpose that I want to leave a message through this .. for the one who is smoking or into any sort of bad habits.. or for their families..
Just because of My Papa's cigarette smoking, all my father's dreams as well as ours went into astray. I lost complete faith on God after that.
I'm eternally grateful to be his daughter and to be frank I still cant grow up in life without him, coz till date I blame others for the happenings. I'm so obsessed to have him back, whatever ways possible. Reincarnation is the first thing I can think of.
Looking on the other side of life.. Earlier I used to think that I've been punished for what? For being so good to all!! For being so innocent!! Will never get love of my Papa.. Things would never be same!! Who will keep hand on my head for blessings!?! Well but now I have learnt a lot from life's happenings. Now I've turned realistic towards all aspects of life. Lost faith in all relationship except family. Not the same girl who was so naive, who was always available to one and all.. everytime.. I don’t fool myself any further expecting that things will be alright. Instead now I enjoy my own company and guess, even if left alone on this earth will survive.
I guess this was too much information all together at a time!!
Oh!! Stop there is nothing further to say!!
Go and have a good nap now!!
With regards..
Gayatri Jadav..
Quest for Serenity. 